Food: What's annoying in 2017

Food is a bit like fashion: What’s in style changes from year-to-year. Factor in the fact that most humans are gullible, who believe whatever the latest flawed study tells them, and you have a perfect recipe for ordinary foods to be placed on unworthy pedastles.

Remember the kale craze of 2015? Or avocado on toast’s rise to fame in 2016?

Let’s take a look at what annoying trends are currently brewing in kitchens all around us:

Avocado on Toast Version 2:

As if it’s not insane enough to charge $9 for smushed up avocado on a piece of multi grain bread, but some restauranteurs are sneaking in other, less expensive green vegetables like peas in their mash, and then marketing it as new and improved 'Avocado and Pea Smash on Toast.' You’re not fooling me. It’s kind of like adding sand to concrete: bad news!

Smoothie Bowls:

Why is your smoothie in a bowl? What’s the advantage here?

Food Lying:

This has been going on for a while now, but why do vegans call their nut-based spreads “cheese?” I admit, I really like these flavourful, nut-based, often smoked spreads, but why lie about it try to compete with something as established as cheese? Why not own it for what it is: A delicious nut spread!

Artisanal Pickles:

Add the word artisanal behind anything, and suddenly you’re buying a jar of cucumbers for $40. Seems reasonable to me.

Pretentious Tea Stores:

What does tea think it is now? Ice cream? Who needs 150 different flavours of tea to choose from?

I blame David's tea for starting this nonsense...

Re-Branding Lame Foods:

Just change the name of green tea to matcha, and suddenly people are buying the claims that tea will help them lose one pound a day for the rest of their lives, and it might even be the key to living to 100. Matcha smoothies, matcha (healthy) cookies, matcha and date bars, matcha and chia seed pudding: It’s everywhere.

Same goes for oatmeal: “Steelcut oats” is still fooling people into believing oatmeal is something it never has been.

All-white:

If I walk into another all-white coffee shop or restaurant, I’m walking out. Not sure when all-white was ever capable of creating a memorable ambiance. I blame the equally ridiculous Diners en Blanc that seem to have captured people’s attention in recent years. Wear the worst colour to feast in, BRING YOUR OWN FOOD, and pay $100 to eat outside. Why?

Quinoa:

This one just isn’t going away. We get it: Quinoa is a complete protein. Almost as annoying as kale.

And the best new trend of 2017: McDonald’s helping us realize breakfast doesn’t end at 11 a.m.!